Unempathic Approach to the Homeless Situation

This post will come off as unempathic to the homeless situation in America. But I am writing this from experience of working at day center, where many individuals there are experiencing poverty, homelessness, addictions, and suffering in various areas in their lives. Some of the people I interact with, are actually down in their luck.

One thing I have learned about working at this day center is when someone is down on their luck, their attitudes will be different, and they more than likely will not have issues of entitlement in their behaviors.

Prior to working here, I use to be very VERY naive into thinking that there needs to be more services and non-profit organizations available for people experiencing poverty and homelessness. Until I begin to work for this non-profit organization. Working here, I immediately begin to realize, this non-proft orgnaization is pepetuating the homelessness situation and that we are serving reprobates. When and where in the bible, or God had ever said that we must be empathic and serve reprobates? When have God ever said that we need to show empathy to someone who will never seek change, and change their behavior and how they treat others? When have God ever said, take care of our abusers so they could continue to abuse others and treat others like crap. Just to never experience the consequences just because they could continue living their life like that because such non-profit organizations will always be there, providing for some of these reprobates?

So, why have my perception of the situaiton begin? Well, first off it is because I have worked here for a very short time, but have been yelled at more times than I ever had been yelled at in my adult years. I am currently 26 years young, and for me to get yelled at, or experience some form of aggression, or members at this facility to attempt to take advantage of me being a new employee here. Has occured so many times, more than I can count.

Getting to the nitty gritty of the situation. One thing I have noticed about a lot of members here are their attitudes. Working with this population; their attitudes are disgusting. If these people do not get their way, or get what they want. They will escalate, threaten you, are begin to murmur and complain against you. Then play the victim when they get barred, or banned from the facility. Some of these people steal from one another, or try to take material at the facility.

This non-profit organization provide cool area for the day, or a warm environment for the members during the winter months. They are provided free food, showers, able to do their laundry without having to pay for laundry detergent. The non-profit organization provides t-shirts, underwear, socks, handwarmers, emergency blankets, cat food, dog food, toothbursh, toothpaste, feminine hygeine products, condoms, and the list continues to go on and on to what this organization provides.

However, when some of these members do not get their way, they become upset with the non-profit organization. If we run out of things for them, they begin to become upset and project their negativity onto the members there because of their individual negative experiences.

Some members become upset that they have to wait for showers, and believe they are entitled to take a shower, or do laundry, instead of waiting patiently on the shower and laundry list. There is a list that we have, first come first serve. Some members believe they are entitled to by pass all of the other members on the list and beg and plead to be the first ones on the list. If they do not get their way, they begin to murmur and complain at the service desk workers.

What am I saying here? What I am saying here is that it is naive to go out of your way and believe you are going to make a change to the homeless situation. I am not saying, to promote classism. But what I am saying is to view the person you are interacting with and exmaine the full and greater picture of their sitaution. To understand why they are there in the first place.

What I am trying to say here is that many of the homeless people that come to this non-profit organization are narcissist, reprobates, and sociopaths. These people are not worthy of empathy.

Anyone who has experienced narcisisstic abuse, or abuse on any level or form. Would not have empathy for the individual, unless they become reflective, and begin to seek change and begin to dilligently challenge their attitudes and beliefs. And begin to work on improvements.

Many of these people experiencing homeless do not believe in this. Many do not begin to work on changing their attitudes. Then begin to play the victim when they experience a backlash from their negative attitudes.

It is ignorant and naive to have empathy for anyone, who is persistant in the negativity, and expecting them to change. Or expecting services to be provided for them, only for them to exploit the system; in a sense, that they are using the system to make an excuse to not change their circumstances. All to avoid handling responsibility in their lives.

I use to believe God was cruel, mean, and unempathic to people experiencing homelessness. Until I begin to work here. Working here I clearly and quickly begin to see the bigger picture. That many of the members here are actual reprobates. Reprobates are dangerous and illogical. They rely on dumping their rage and frustrations on others in life when they do not get what they want, and when they are unable to recieve any form of ease in their life. Anything outside of ease for the reporbate, means they cannot handle it and will destroy anyone or anything in his or her path, for not receiving that relief they are seeking. Which is one major reason why the reprobate is dangerous.

Non-profit organizations such as the one I am currently employed at, rely on reprobates, or people unwilling to reflect and change their ways. To stay in business. I say this because if that was not the case and many of the people there were actually down on their luck. Then non-profit organizations will be down on their luck.

You could argue that someone suffering from an addiction or mental illness could be the reason for this attitude and behavior. You could argue their negative experiences could be the reason for it. You could even argue that childhood trauma is the reason behind it.

But isn’t that the same argument we use to disarm abusive individuals? Yes, all of that maybe true. But what is not true is to believe that these issues are an excuse, for these individuals. To treat people like crap. Perhaps people were willing to assist them, until they realize who they were dealing with and decided they wanted no more part in dealing with these individuals in the first place.

Future Faking With Narcissistic Individuals or Absuive People

There is one thing I noticed about individuals who are narcissistic. That is the term coined future faking is very apparent especially early on.

Future faking is when someone places so much emphasis on focusing on future events in a relationship or friendship.

For example, let’s say there is a guy named Bob, and he met Tina. Bob and Tina just got into a relationship. They end up kicking it off and Tina was so impressed and excited about this relationship because of all the promises Bob would tell her.

These promises would include, “When we get our money together, we can go on a vacation and travel the world. When I get my stimulus check, we can go and buy you a new car. When I get my bonus check, we can go to Michigan Adventures Amusement Park. Or I will pay you back when I get my bonus check.”

These promises sound very ambitious and will keep you hooked on hoping on a future event that may more than likely never occur.

What I am trying to say here is that individuals who future fake, do so to drag you back in. You keep you hoping for an event and situation that never will come.

Future faking sometimes be the only thing these individuals have to get a hold towards someone. Because they can have time to make excuses towards why these events are not manifesting as they promised.

But as they are doing this, it creates some type of dependency on them in hopes that they will come through with such plans.

When in reality, these types of people future fake to act as a bail out. What do I mean by a bailout? What I mean by this is that instead of focusing on the here and now to work on building relationships. They become hyper focused on the future. Think of it as redirecting when conversing with someone.

For example, my father would future fake all of the time. It was trufthfully for a long time the only thing that kept me tied down at home. For example, he would say, “Oh I will fix your alternator and purchase a new one.” When he begin to notice I was going no contact.

What this says is that he is future faking an event and promise towards me in hopes to real me in and that is when the abuse begins. Or even to keep me dependent on him. Becuase I always went to my dad for car problems, and for the first time in my life I said I am done with going to him for car problems becuase he would deliberately give me bad car advice on purpose, to keep me from moving foward in life.

Remember, abuse does not always mean they are physically attacking you. Abuse is as simple as speaking negatively about you, or praying on your downfall. Abuse comes in many forms and many of us are conditioned to just take it and deal with it.

Future faking acts as a bailout, to prevent someone from either taking accountability for their relationships and problems in the here and now. Or in order to reel you in and keep you from moving forward.

Now, it is completely natural for people in any relationship to have future and long-term goals. But when every conversation is based on the future, RUN! Because it is a direct redflag and indirectly telling you, “I don’t need to focus on building our relationships in the here and now because I can drop you if I needed or wanted to. And come back and use future faking to pull you back in.”

They Can’t Accept the New and Improved You!

One thing I have learned is that anytime I had a group of friends for quite sometime, I begin to become hindered on growing.

People come and go during different seasons in our lives and that is okay.

I do not agree with the TV shows where you have friendships for life, and everything is happily ever after.

I only improved as an individual because of the different people I interacted with.

Had I still had the same friendships I had even from five years ago today, I would still be mean and somewhat narcissistic.

One thing I have noticed about friends in my past that I reconnected with for whatever reasons is that a lot of them never grew at all. It is like I am going back to the past, and they are exactly like they use to be 5-10 years ago.

It is the strangest feeling ever to expeirence that with people I use to consider best friends ect. Some may have advanced in their career or whatever. But they have not reflected or grown and it is so strange to see.

For example, I use to have a bestfriend who would love to argue with me, and she would win every single argument.

However, now that I have matured a lot, moved outside of my hometown and came back home. I noticed that whenever I bring good discussions to the table, she no longer wants to talk about it, and will try her best to see and find a fault in my perspective. For example, if I found a pattern in behavior in the community I live in and back it up with peered reviewed facts, she would say. “Oh well studies change all of the time.” It is like she can never acknoweledge me.

Another example, another best friend I use to have made excuses when I was going through a difficult time in my life. During that time of my life I lost my job and asked her could she cash app me $5 for a Little Ceasar’s pizza (it was still 5 dollars back then lol). But would make excuses and complain behind my back about discussing my life problems. Now that is all she does. However recently her and her sister have been starting their business selling food they cook and it taste damn good! When they delievered the food to me, I noticed the friend looked at me weird, as if in my gut she felt guilty of something… Pay attention to what I mentioned in the first sentence. Becuase what this comes down to is that when she wanted to start a business, I was immediately there to support them. But when it was me struggling to make ends meet, they were making excuses here and there. Every excuse out of the earth I heard. Now do not get it twisted. I am not saying she was obligated to pay me anything. However when we are in difficult cirumstances, why would someone tell you they are going to do something and give you false hope. Instead of saying, “I am not able to today” or whatever you know? Providing someone false hope during difficult cirucmstances is one of the worse things you could do to someone…

Or a former best friend I had, we was so close. But whenever I am doing well in any area and positive minded. He would be like, “FK YOU AND YOUR POSITIVITY!” Pay attention to remarks like this everyone. That is a sign that this individual use to be friends with me to 1.) exploit me and 2.) feel good about me being negative, depressed, socially akward ect.

People who you by how they behave and converse with you and others. How they feel and think about you. God will bring unfavorable circumstances or allow you to have a dysfucntion, to expose people that is around you. God will allow these individuals to expose themselves so you could be delievered from them.

In the past I was very very emotional. I would rant. I would act based soely on my emotions. I would always get upset, I would gossip…

Every since I moved forward in my life, these same people do these same things and have not changed but goten worse.

These people did not have my best interest at heart, but would love to talk negatively about me.

Another example is a friend I reconnected with recently. I noticed a bit of emotional instability and inconsitencies with him but never ever held it against him because he truly was my best friend from childhood. But reconnecting with him, made me realize the missing holes in both of our lives. What I am trying to say here is that I begin to notice how he was soooo soo very nice. While at the same time emotionally abusive. But the emotional abuse was not in a way we would initially expect it to be because he was so nice and kind. Would be hot and cold with me, be trying to recieve validation and attention seeking from me. Would ghost me and come back immediately ect you name it.

I observed the pattern because I noticed he would do it when I stopped giving him the attention he was seeking from me. He would tell me how other people liked him this and that. It was as if he was trying to make me feel jealous or bad. For example, I told him that I had recently gained a lot of weight and feel inseucre because of that. Then he would begin saying, “People always giving me attention and saying they like me.”

PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO BEHAVIOR LIKE THIS! If we are not vigilant, we will not be aware of this. But this is emotional abuse but subtle, trying to bring me down. Because despite my weight gain, and despite the difficult situation I am going through. I am still smiling and you can still notice how much I have grown thanks to me walking by faith!

But whenever he would do any of these things and I did not react in a negative way, I noticed he would remove himself from a group chat on Snapchat that he created. That he would pull away. It was as if he was expecting me to react in a toxic and abusive way to prove that I loved him as a friend.

In the past I would have reacted just in a way he expected me to. In the past I would have been cursing storms and rivers because of my former emotional instability.

It is like, when we grow as individuals and some of our former dysfunctions we begin to outgrow. People from our past cannot accept it. People from our past, or even in our present day cannot see us for who we are, outside of their mindframe of who they think we should be to gratify their ego. Some of these people will drag you down emotionally if you are emotional stable. Emotional stability after being somewhat narcissistic and highly toxic is confusing for some people to accept, becuase now they would have something negative to talk to you about.

Also something else to pay attention two with the majority of these friends. If you post anything on social media, and you have close friends who do not interact with it. Pay attention to that because that could be a sign of subtle jealousy.

For example, I had a friend we use to kick it cool with, until I tried relocating to Dallas Texas. I started to see this individual for who they truly are because they are light jealous. When we were best friends I use to gossip and look down on others. When we reconnected, I begin to see their true colors… They are straight up jealous of me and would only interact with any of my post if I am posting something emotional as hell or posting something of extreme success. We would converse and I would say, “Well I am considering going to Western Michigan University. Or Indiana University of South Bend.” Then they would say, “Well have you ever considered Michigan State University, or the University of Michigan?”

For example, something I use to be known for in my intermediate family is that I would have an attitude problem. I would be mean and very mean. Now that I am not like that, however stern in how people interact with me. My family still try to say I have an attitude problem, when in reality I DO NOT ANYMORE! Several years ago I have, but today I do not!

I just do not tolerate abusive behavior towards me anymore and will call it out if God allows me to.

When people cannot accept you changing and growing, keep them at a distance because they are saying indirectly that “I cannot accept this. I have no way to look down on you are speak negatively to you about. I myself have not grown, so now that makes me feel pain. I can’t handle that so I will need to try and use your former flaws to throw it back at you.”

Pay attention to your gut feeling when dealing with people. You know it is your gut because it NEVER CHANGES! Your gut always stays the same!